Loneliness is an awful feeling. I often feel alone and uncared for at the moment even though I know intellectually many people do care. It’s one of the things I hate most about not sleeping. I am alone all night with no one to help counter those feelings.
My feelings aren’t helped by my low self esteem which leads me to believe that no one could like me or want to be around me. My anxiety doesn’t help matters either. I find it near impossible at times to go out with friends or even go out at all sometimes. The times when I am too low to work are even worse as so much of the day is spent alone.
Dealing with my loneliness and even admitting it can be very hard. It feels very accusatory to tell my family and friends I feel lonely. As if I am telling them they aren’t there for me which I know they are. Or as of I am trying to guilt them into doing more. Asking people to spend time with me or talk to me feels like a big imposition on their lives (the low self esteem again making this worse). And asking someone to do something and getting a negative response even if it is for a valid reason feels like a real kick in the teeth. As if it confirms that no one likes me and I am destined to be alone for ever.
I really do appreciate all the support I receive from family and friends. I know I am never truly alone even if my head refuses to believe it sometimes. I have previously said on facebook the biggest help I receive is just people being there for me. Simple things like a message or an offer to do something make a huge difference. They show my head that I am not alone and there are people who are there to help me and support me. Someone reaching out unasked and unprompted gives me a massive boost. It means the world to me sometimes. Loneliness is awful but even a tiny gesture from a friend can make it go away and I have the friends to get through this. It may be a long and difficult road but I will get there.
Iainsidemyhead 